dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
