I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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