Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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