It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
