The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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