she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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