I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
