sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
