I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
