He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
