After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
