i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize