Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
