Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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