who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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