Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
