The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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