kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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