Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
