im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
