Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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