My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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