Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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