You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
