You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
