Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Me. At least after what I've been through.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
