Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Found the puke drawer
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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