I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
