Say something about gay babies.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
