I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize