hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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