you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
