took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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