just tell him i said nine months
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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