You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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