After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
