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I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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