Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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