at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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