I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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