I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
