i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
