I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
