Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
