I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
