if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
