I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
