i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
