Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
