2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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