I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
