I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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