is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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