Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
