my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
