I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
