Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
