last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
