Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
someone owes me an orgasm
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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