Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize