Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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