I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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