Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
