when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize