So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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