her facebook's as public as her vagina
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
